Stop! Thief!

A few months ago, a neighbor of mine was arrested for stealing from cars and houses in our neighborhood.  He had broken into my car as well (which is not entirely true, I had left the door unlocked) but he didn’t take anything (that I noticed, anyway).

I have to say that more than anything else, I was shocked that something like this happened in Bristol, in our own driveway.  It seemed really unbelievable to me.  Even though he didn’t take anything from the car, I was so angry.  Angry that he’d nonetheless taken something of value to me: a sense of safety and comfort I had about living in this town.  I was so mad at him that I wanted to leave a note on his door telling him that he should be ashamed of himself.

But strangely, I was also grateful to him.  His actions reminded me that we aren’t living in some utopian version of small town America, but in real life, where sometimes, people do stupid, hurtful things to one another.

At Bristol Yoga Studio this month, we’re taking about a philosophical teaching of yoga called ‘asteya’ which translates from Sanskrit as ‘non-stealing’.  It’s also the 8^th commandment (of the 10 listed in the Bible), and generally a thing that we accept we shouldn’t do.

Among other definitions, the Oxford English Dictionary (“OED”) defines ‘steal’ as: “take or appropriate dishonestly (anything belonging to another, material or immaterial.)”  This really upends my whole idea of stealing.  It doesn’t have to be anything that is of value, we just have to take it dishonestly, (which, also according to the OED, means ‘lacking integrity or straightforwardness’).

So, to not steal from one another, we must engage in honest exchange, with integrity.
Generally, I think we think of stealing as taking something of value, like money or belongings or time, or even trust.  But according to this definition, stealing can be of something material or immaterial; its value doesn’t matter.  I’d argue that the value doesn’t matter because value is subjective.  What I value deeply might vary from what someone else values deeply.  We can’t decide for one another what is, or should be, of value, so this definition suggests that we should avoid stealing anything, regardless of whether we perceive it to be of value.

For example, we shouldn’t be stealing each other’s time.  There is nothing that I loathe more than sitting in a doctor’s office, having arrived for my appointment on time, and then being told that I have to wait, because the doctor is not running on schedule.  From my perspective, this practice is disrespectful of patients and suggests that the patient’s time is somehow worth less than the doctor’s.

But many of my friends and family welcome this time to sit and ‘do nothing’ while they wait for the doctor.  What feels like stealing to me, feels like a gift to another.  So value is subjective.

Admittedly, my own transgressions of this are many – how many times do I tell someone I’ll meet for lunch 12, but then not arrive until 12:15?   How many corporate meetings have I been to for which I wasn’t adequately prepared, and this way wasted the time of my colleagues?

More than just telling the cashier there was a math error in the change we are given, I think that being told to not steal is to ask us to live with integrity as we interact with one another.  I think to not steal is to acknowledge the value of each other’s contributions, possessions and attention, and behave accordingly.

Of course, it also means not eating the grapes while you’re shopping and before they’ve been weighed and adhering to store policies for returns and discounts.  It means paying your debts.  It means not breaking in to your neighbor’s car (even if the door is unlocked) and, most importantly it means behaving as if we all have value.

Because we do.

Asteya - "Non-Stealing"

Stealing something means to take, without consent, something that doesn’t belong to you.

I have been thinking a lot about our third yama ‘asteya’ for some time now and have been reading what others have written and have found it more difficult than our first two yamas (ahimsa and satya) to relate to regular life. 

So it’s taken me some time to get this blog post up, but not because I am not thinking about asteya, but because I am.  Here’s what I have come up with.

First, I really like what Deborah Adele has to say about asteya’s ultimate lesson – we have to prepare ourselves to receive what we would like to have.  For example, if you want to run the Boston Marathon, you have to first train as a runner, run other marathons at a pace that allows you to qualify, and then you have to actually run it.

Folks spend years training for an accomplishment such as this one.  Last year, I went to watch one of my closest friends run in the Boston Marathon and it was amazing to see all of these folks who had committed so much of themselves to this work.  Equally amazing was the pride, the joy and the support from the spectators.  It was as if everyone there knew that what we were witnessing was incredible, and we were bound together in happy recognition of this.

Asteya is like this, it says that to get to a certain place or stature or accomplishment, we have to let ourselves be where we are – we meet ourselves where we are with kindness (ahimsa) and honesty (truth) and from this place, we can prepare ourselves to receive that which we want (to run a marathon or do an arm balance or get out of debt).  Asteya expects truthfulness of where we are so as to not take the gifts of the future. 

Generally when we talk about ‘stealing’ something, that something has value, either to the one who took it or the one who it was taken from.  The two things that come first to mind that are of value are time and money.

With respect to time, I think of how frustrating it is for me to sit in a doctor’s waiting room when I’ve arrived for my appointment on time and I am expected to simply wait until the doctor gets to me.  I feel like I’ve been stolen from.  This led me to realize the importance of being prepared whenever I am meeting with someone I work with.  How frustrating is it to others when I show up to a meeting and am not ready to discuss our agreed upon topic?  Or when I haven’t reviewed the materials sent in advance?  I’ve tried to be mindful - before I make a phone call or send an email or leave a message -  that I am clear about what I want to say and in what way.  This shows the person I am talking to that I recognize the value of their time and am treating it accordingly. 

Of course asteya counsels to not steal physical belongings or money, but I think it’s more subtle than that as well.  It’s about receiving and providing value in exchange for another value (time or money) spent.   This is a tricky one because value is subjective because it has to do with an individual’s perception of what is valuable.  Accordingly, we have to look within ourselves to see what ‘feels’ best regarding what is given and what is received in return.  We have to take responsibility to communicate and understand our own expectations in the value equation. 

For example, some students at Bristol Yoga Studio love our 30-day unlimited class card because they come several times a week to yoga class.  For them, it’s a great value.  Others find it frustrating because they buy the 30-day card, then come only a handful of times in the 30 days and feel like it was a waste.  Which of them is correct?  I’d suggest that someone who buys the 30-day card without being certain of their commitment to be able to come is stealing from themselves.  That money was probably better spent on something that they would actually do.  I always advise people to be honest with themselves about their commitment to practicing yoga before buying the 30-day card. 

The last piece about asteya that I’ll mention here has to do with people helping one another.  The one who offers the help needs to be clear about what they expect in return, if anything, and whether the friend they are helping is willing and able to give it.  I have watched many a relationship suffer because people who were giving did not feel they were adequately acknowledged or appreciated for their work.  The question to ask ourselves is – ‘What do I expect from doing this work?”  Approaching the answer with satya (truthfulness) will shed light on expectations and begin to allow the exchange to also be filled with asteya.